"What's behind the music and why I create"

Personal struggles to personal awakenings.

In my early twenties I was overcome by depression, letting it consume me and left myself not knowing what to do. I had dropped out of high school and had no desire to go to university but I still wanted to pursue my passion - recording music. Against all reason I decided to go back and get my year twelve certificate and depending on how well I went, then decide what I as going to do.

It turned out that I did do really well and was encouraged to go to university, so I did however music found a way back to me and this time I didn't turn it away. Having gone through a DV relationship and having been dragged through the courts, my misfortune turned out to be somewhat lucrative. So I took advantage of this and decided that I was going to purchase everything I needed to get recording - the best decision I have ever made and still is to this very day, with exceptions of course.

If it wasn't for this turn of events and as ironic as it may sound, struggling with mental health and other dark times in my life, music has been a good self reliant and has provided me with consistency and stability. Waking up everyday to be practicing my art and trade is a wonderful privilege and I am thankful that I have been fortunate enough to finally get to where I am today.

Overview of my Production.

I started off recording guitar and I though this was the only instrument that real musicians used and played because, if I played the keyboard I felt like I was somehow cheating, and "not actually playing", trying to be a perfectionist. So my first recording of the guitar was pretty wild, untamed, hairy and generally a bit all over the place. But none-the-less, I loved it as I was getting to practice and record - brilliant right?

As time went by I seen that I was getting very caught up in my imperfections and it was driving me mad, I wasn't progressing as far as I would have liked to and it was taking me a long time to get anything finished, something had to change. I started playing the keyboard again, but it wasn't perfect either and all sorts of things were going wrong for me, so I had to knuckle down and really learn my software inside out if I was going to get any sense out of the recording process.

I soon figured out that the keyboard was where it was at for me, it become so effortless and natural to record this way and I was starting to actually write and finish songs. This way of recording for me was productive and I became reliant on the music I was creating so much it was becoming an emotional diary for me. I would always get up in the morning and go over the songs that I was writing and listening to them - it seemed as though I was always hearing them for the first time.

I was starting to develop a style that was pretty unique and possible to different and I feared that if I showed anyone they probably wouldn't understand. But I couldn't help it, my style just kept on flowing and I kept on writing.

Discovering the Fusion

I had fallen in love with a combination of natural sounds and electronic, the endless possibilities that I could come up with was such tantalising thought and it does keep me going. I must admit it is sometimes hard to fully convey emotion into sound but the experimental process that I employ always finds a way to come through. I don't mind not knowing whee the creative side of writing will take me. I think its okay to just write and not know - perhaps this is what it so therapeutic about it for me and allows me to slowly chip away at all of those suppressed emotions.

When I listen to my music I feel something deep, transcending but not quite resolving. Most of my music doesn't even have a recognisable chorus however I feel it has hypnotic qualities about it. As a listener it does require you to reach deeper and really sit with your emotions - something I feel that most people are unable to do. It takes someone different to fully understand the emotive undertones of the sound that I have created, someone who can be with in a space of in between.

The Role of Reverb and Delays

Giving any sound, natural or electronic reverb and delay provides the sound with depth and expands it to something which is now unnatural - leaving the questioning to your ears. It carries the sound to a place that is so far away becoming unworldly as though it has transcended down from the universe. It seems as though time will take it on forever giving the overall feel of the song more depth and more to be discovered. Connecting to this sound is easy for me because I do become immersed within in and am able to let go of my surroundings, completely tune into the sound and let it guid me.

Can there ever be too much reverb? I don't think so but maybe there can be a limit. The type of reverb that I use can drown the track and effectively drowning the song, but I only do as I think based on what my ears are telling me as well as my emotions. I essentially like using reverb so it can blur sounds together along with vocals, trying to achieve a sound that is heavenly or form the universe - as though the sound has no boundaries or a ceiling. The way I like to create and write music, why conform to expectations?

The Underground Scene

I have always been intrigued by the underground music scene and what it relly means. I went out of my way to listen to more I would say "popular" underground bands like Dinosaur Jr, Sonic Youth, HEALTH and Crim3s a Uk duo that I only discovered in the last 5 years. Crim3s considers there band to be underground by the name - having a 3 in the name. I however don't really consider any of these band to be 100% undergrounds as they are still really notable and discoverable - not meaning that you cannot be an independent artist or labeled signed artist that you cant be considered underground.

What if your music does not fit into a genre? Thats where I feel my music falls - genre-less, even though I write and produce all of my music doesn't mean that I know what genre it falls into. I have been under a rock for most of my music writing as I was so adamant I didn't want to be influenced by others music, any music of any kind. I didn't listen to music in the car, or listen to music around my house or on my phone. I just wanted to write from a perspective where I had no idea how to write music. I wanted to be as natural and unnatural as possible. The flip side being, I would definitely consider myself to be an underground independent recording artist that writes genre-less music.